


Hi Q, Found You

by TabisMouse



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Fluff, Hacker James Bond, Humor, M/M, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 18:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6294445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabisMouse/pseuds/TabisMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q is burning the midnight oil as someone keeps sabotaging MI6's new systems and Bond has a thing for techno-babble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hi Q, Found You

**Author's Note:**

> Posted with the permission of blackjackwannabe. It’s his first ever fic so be kind!!!!

Q was frustrated. His cell phone would not stop ringing. He knew who it was – Bond hadn’t missed a day to harass him in the past month.

James kept somehow changing his ringtone, and the sound of “Don’t Turn Around” was starting to grate at his skin. At long last, Q picked up the phone.

“Hello, Bond”

“Evening, Q. Surprised you knew it was me.”

“I took a lucky guess”

“How’s the new software coming?”

“Swimmingly, Bond. Everything is going swimmingly.”

“Tell me about it.”

“No, James, I’m not telling you anymore.”

“Come, now, Q, don’t be a spoiled sport. What could it hurt?”

“James, the last 3 times I explained our new system to you, we found that the system had been hacked the very next day .”

“Oh, must be a coincidence.”

Q sighed. “They left a message each time… for me.”

“Now how can you be so sure?”

“It always says, ‘Hi Q! Found you!’”

James’s muffled laughter came through the phone. “Oh, sounds like you got an admirer”

“Really, James, I have no time, I must be getting this system up to speed. It’s rather late, and I would like to sleep at least 2 hours before having to return here.”

“What seems to be the problem? Perhaps I can help,” James said, voice all indulgent solicitude.

“This is not something you can point your gun at and threaten to work.”

“Come now, Q, I don’t always use a gun. Sometimes my bare hands suffice.”

“Truly, James, I must be off. The drives have been going offline at random and I have yet to understand why”

“Oh, really, what type of drives?” James asked.

“SSD’s”

The puff of a light breath came through the line. “Solid state drives, eh? Tell me about it.”

Q realized there was no way he was ridding himself of Bond tonight and so decided to explain, in as boring of detail as possible, how the hardware was setup so as to force James to leave him alone.

“We have 4 2TB SSD’s running our main station here, all in RAID 10.” Steady breaths  emanated from Jame’s end of the line. “A total of 64 cores are used to help process the data real time from across the globe that funnels to our system, with only 128 GB of RAM to keep it afloat. Really, I wish MI6 would quit cutting our budget.”

The breaths continued, heavier and more rapid. “Are you ok, Bond?”

“Yes, Q. Just…. Exercis…ing…Please….carry on.”

“Well, with the 5 Petabytes of storage are starting to fill up -” James’s breathing grew deeper and more prevalent. Our hard disks are starting to all run very hot,” Q continues.

“Hard…..disks……very……hot”

“Errr, yes James.” Q paused, feeling a bit confused. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yesss….please continue…”

Still confused, but determined to bore Bond to sleep, Q continued on. “Anyhow, the drives are running very hot.”A deep gasp followed by a muffled sound came through the phone. “I have been charged to find ways to minimize the amount of storage used while trimming the fat off our software so as to not cause our systems to run so hot all the time.”

There was light whimper followed by an exasperated moan. “What happens if they become too hot, Q?”

“Well, Bond, if you must know, when things get to hot, they can start to explode”

A loud wail comes through the line, puncutated by whispers of “Oh Q!” 

“James, James are you OK? Are you hurt?! Do you need me to send someone?”

“Oh Q, …. I love it when you talk dirty to me…,” James crooned.

“….I’m sorry?”

“Same time tomorrow, yes?” The phone clicked, and Q was left quite dumbfounded as he tried to piece together what just occurred between them. His thoughts were interrupted with the sound of a woman’s moan. Apparently, Bond changed the notification sound for his text messages as well.

“Always a pleasure. Same time tomorrow? <3”

As he looked from his phone to the main screen, he read, “Hi Q! Found you.”


End file.
